Scared of Lonely
by Korangatangi
Summary: Clintasha. Steve finally understands why Natasha is so determined to get him a girlfriend. Set during Captain America 2.
1. Chapter 1

**Scared of Lonely**

It's been going on for months. Ever since they met, helped save the world from Loki, and started going on missions together. Every time they meet, it has to come up. Every. Single. Time. Even if they meet every day of the week, Monday to Sunday she'll bring it up. They're en route to New Jersey and, just like clockwork, the subject comes up again.

"What about Anne from R and D?" Natasha turns her torso towards him. "She's smart _and _beautiful."

"Yeah." Steve is very careful to keep his voice neutral lest Natasha decides that Anne is 'the one'. "She is."

He can feel her eyes boring into his skull at his non-committal response. He knows that she's just trying to be helpful, but he can pick up a woman without the help of the Black Widow. Sure, it's been a while since his heart has had some excitement other than from a fight to save the world, but he'll get a girlfriend when the time is right. What he doesn't understand is why she's made it her personal mission in life to play his Cupid. From out of nowhere, a Swahili saying that he read a lifetime ago flits across his memory; 'Why should a chilli that you've not eaten make your mouth hot?' Why did _his_ single state bother _her_ so much? Well, with nothing better to do on this drive, he decides to put this to bed right now.

"Why are you so determined to hook me up?" he asks with an easy smile, expecting a wise crack from her about how an old man like him needs help dating in the 21st century. But a few seconds pass with no such cracks. He slides his gaze to her and is surprised at what he sees expressed in her face. She looks as if she's giving serious consideration on the answer to give him. Her hand flutters to her collarbone to rest lightly on top of the chain she's recently taken to wearing. She strokes the arrow centred on it slowly with her thumb. He doesn't think she's even aware that she's doing it.

A minute passes, then two, and he begins to think that she won't answer his question when she finally opens her mouth. All the laughter from the last few minutes is gone from her voice replaced by a profound wisdom.

"People like us-" she halts mid-sentence and lightly bites the right corner of her lower lip, "-we're bad-ass. We go out every day and fight the bad guys. We have to be tough...tougher than evil, in order to defeat it." She glances out of her window and exhales slowly. "We put on this suit, you know?" She turns to him, her brow furrowed, her eyes asking him if he understands what she's really saying.

He nods once to indicate that he does. And he really does understand. They all wear the suit...not the uniform that they put on to do their jobs, but armour around their hearts. It allows them to fight without the encumbrance that personal feelings would allow to get in the way.

"But when we get home," she continues, "we need to be able to take off the suit. We need to be able to feel...human, even if it's just for a little while. We need to be able to connect with another person who understands us and makes us feel normal. We need to recharge so that we can slip back into the suit ready to fight another day."

A ghost of a smile plays across her face. "I just want you to have that Steve."

He smiles at her, finally understanding her reasoning. They drive on in comfortable silence.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Now that we know Clint has a whole secret family, I've given up on my original Clintasha pairing :(. Decided to rework Scared of Lonely with this in mind from Natasha's POV.

She knows that she's been bugging the heck out of Steve with all of her date suggestions, but she really can't help it. She sees him; _truly _sees him. Understands the loneliness he hides so well. She knows that, essentially, he has no deep friends or family. She understands that he's too much of their leader to be a partner. Knows that Bucky was the only partner he was ever able to truly be himself with…like her and Clint. But Bucky is long gone. And Steve is here…alone.

They're en route to New Jersey when she thinks of another great potential girlfriend.

"What about Anne from R and D?" She turns her torso towards him. "She's smart _and _beautiful."

"Yeah." Steve says neutrally. "She is."

She stares daggers at his head. She can't understand why he's being so difficult. Why he refuses to even give any of the women she's suggested a chance.

As if finally feeling her death stare, his face breaks into his usual easy smile.

"Why are you so determined to hook me up?" he asks.

That catches her unawares. How to articulate her motives? Her hand flutters to her collar bone to rest lightly on top of the chain she's recently taken to wearing. She strokes the arrow centred on it slowly with her thumb. She can feel his eyes on her, can almost hear his question. She knows what they all think. That she and Clint have something going on. And her wearing a golden arrow around her neck is just confirmation. Clint and her have never set the record straight. It favours both of them to have these speculations thrive; her because it keeps the rest of the population from hitting on her out of fear of the Hawkeye's arrow. Him because he already has a family and will do anything to keep them safe and hidden.

Getting Clint as a partner was more than she ever thought she deserved. Gaining Laura and their kids as family…that was truly the best thing that has ever happened to her. They loved her. They accepted her just as she was. She wears the chain because it reminds her that she has people in her life who would miss her…who would search for her if she ever just...vanished. People she would never want to disappoint. Without Clint by her side, the weight of the chain against her skin grounds her and keeps her honest…well, as honest as she can be.

All this flashes through her mind before she finally opens her mouth to answer him.

"People like us-" she halts mid-sentence and bites the right corner of her lower lip, "-we're bad-ass. We go out every day and fight the bad guys. We have to be tough...tougher than evil, in order to defeat it." She glances out of her window and exhales slowly. "We put on this suit, you know?" She turns to him, her brow furrowed, her eyes asking him if he understands what she's really saying.

He nods once and she can tell that he _does_ understand. Understand that, she's not talking about the uniform they put on to do their jobs, but the armour they wear around their hearts. It allows them to fight without the encumbrance that personal feelings would allow to get in the way.

"But when we get home," she continues, "we need to be able to take off the suit. We need to be able to feel...human, even if it's just for a little while. We need to be able to connect with another person who understands us and makes us feel normal. We need to recharge so that we can slip back into the suit ready to fight another day."

A ghost of a smile plays across her face. "I just want you to have that Steve."

He smiles at her, and his eyes tell her that he finally understands her reasoning. They drive on in comfortable silence.


End file.
